I often talk about the importance of teaching kids to believe in themselves, understand their worth, and not let the negative words of others bring them down. While this is an ideal vision, it doesn’t mean that students with a positive self-esteem and confidence are immune to the impact of others' words and actions.
The Reality of Negative Feedback
The truth is that when people insult us, say negative things, disrespect, or underestimate us, it affects us deeply, even if we are have a healthy self-esteem. Very few of us are truly able to brush off negative comments. They typically leave a mark. As Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, a leading researcher in positive psychology, notes, “Even people with high self-esteem are still vulnerable to negative feedback and criticism, which can affect their mood and self-perception.” However, as students grow in self-esteem and confidence, they will start to respond differently to negativity and meanness.
Changes You'll Observe
Here are some differences you might notice as students develop stronger self-esteem:
- Defending Themselves: They will stand up for themselves when someone says something disrespectful or inaccurate about them, instead of just accepting it.
- Resilience: The emotional impact of negativity will last for a shorter period.
- Annoyance Over Belief: Instead of internalizing negative comments, they will simply find them annoying.
- Positive Self-Talk: There will be less negative self-talk and more positive affirmations.
- Moving Forward: They will continue to progress despite negativity, driven by an "I can" mindset.
Continuing Support
Even where you notice that your student appears to be confident and understands their worth, they still need your support an encouragement. Here's how:
- Acknowledge Their Awesomeness: Don’t simply say they’re awesome; provide specific examples. When you see them doing amazing things, point it out as evidence of their awesomeness.
- Celebrate Efforts, Not Just Achievements: When they make mistakes or fail to meet their goals, celebrate their efforts. Encourage them to self-reflect, work hard, and evaluate what they can do differently because you believe in their potential, evidenced by their achievements.
- Demonstrate Support: Show them that you are on their team. Be there to support them with a listening ear.
- Celebrate Them: Always celebrate their successes and efforts.
Conclusion
Regardless of age, we all appreciate support and recognition from others. Knowing that we are seen and valued is a fundamental human need that does not change with age or level of confidence. By cultivating a supportive environment, we help our students to continue to grow in confidence and resilience, ready to face the world.
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Stacey Montgomery
Founder, Stacey M Design Inc.
For information about our Self-Esteem Workshops, click here. For a FREE presentation to elementary PTO parents about building self-esteem, contact Stacey Montgomery at service@staceymdesign.com.
©Stacey Montgomery, 2024. All rights reserved.
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